My poor little puppy!!!

I cannot handle any more death!!!!!!!!!

Losing 4 loved ones in three months is way too much!!! First it started with my Grandpa in September, then a good friend, Anona, right before Thanksgiving, then my Grandma Gray just after Thanksgiving and now my dog. I know she wasn't a person, but she was a living thing and a part of my family.

She was hit a speeding car (who didn't even stop!!) in the road a few hours ago. I saw it happen and can't get it out of my head! Her neck was broken and it didn't take long for her to die after she was hit. I am pretty sure that she didn't know what hit her and wasn't in any pain... It was traumatic for me to see it happen. The sight of her being hit, and tumbling and bending/twisting in ways that no body should move, the sound of the hit, the image of her lying there, twitching not making a sound, and the feel of her heartbeat so fast, then just stop! ... just everything!! Now, I am afraid to go to sleep because I am afraid that I will dream about what I saw and I just want it to go away! It's like a broken tape going on and on and on and it's getting to be too much. I am trying to remember all the great moments of her life, but it's too hard, at least tonight. I am sure that it will get easier and better. It's just hard to believe that she is gone...

You never know what you have until you lose it! I miss her so much! I never thought that I would miss her barking and yipping at everyone and everything outside, or the way she would follow me around everywhere, or even eating my blinds and drapes! I will miss her cuddling up against me at night. I will also miss the way Michael and Gigi fought like siblings! I just keep expecting her to come running in and jumping up to me, licking my face and cuddling with me. But it's not going to happen.

I just wish that I didn't see it happen...

Luckily Michael didn't see Gigi being hit! I know what it's doing to me and I can't even imagine what that would do to my little two year old! We explained to him that Gigi died and went to live with Heavenly Father. I don't know how much he understood, but he didn't ask for her the rest of the night. He would say "Gigi died" and then would comfort me and bring some water to drink (in his eyes, water is magic and helps you feel better- he is such a sweetheart!) Anyway, we will see what happens tomorrow and I might have to explain to him again.

I didn't realize how hard it would be to lose a dog! I really did love her and as much as I was frustrated with her at times, I would rather have that back than feel this way! It's really hard...

This was the last picture I took of her...

I always loved this picture of her. It was at Lake Powell last year after she had gone for a swim... Oh I miss her so much!

Goodbye Gigi!! We love you!